Worried about brother
Asalaam alyakum Mufti. I have a concern regarding my older brother. I live with my mom, little brother and older sister and older brother. My older brother is in his early thirtys, the issue is that he is comes home usually 3 times a week around midnight or later and he is always drunk. He doesn’t contribute to any of the house payments like rent or electricity or anything besides this month he paid for the cable bill. He comes home only when he runs out of money and he is always drunk at night. When he does come home he gets up around noon then leaves again without giving anytime to the family.. this has been going on for many years. He got divorced about 5 years ago but even when he was married he was always drinking. I am torn up inside because this is not the life i want for my brother, I love him and would do anything for him. I make donations in his name and good acts in his name and make dua for him but nothing helps, sometimes the thought comes across my mind that he is possessed by a jinn. I am on the verge of asking him to move out, but at the same time i know this will be a rip on my heart. I feel very helpless. I want to know if asking him to leave is the right thing, I don’t want to cut ties because this is not the way of our life to cut family especially brothers. But no matter what i think of this is what the solution that is coming to mind. Pleas advise me. Jazakallah Khair may Allah fill the muslim houses with Iman.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is an undisputable reality that the environment of an individual has an effect on his behavior. When one is not in the environment of Deen or is in an environment that is contrary to Deen, then the level of Imaan decreases, causing one to eventually live a life of disobedience, sin, and vice.
The solution to the situation mentioned in the query is to facilitate an environment of Imaan for your brother. However, this must be carried out with wisdom and good conduct.
Our advice to you is that you start a daily Ta’leem in the house and encourage your brother to sit. The following three books should be read alternatively:
- Fadhaail al-A’maal by Mol. Zakariyya Kandehlawi Rahimahullah
- Fadhaail as-Sadaqaat by Mol. Zakariyya Kandehlawi Rahimahullah
- Muntakhab al-Ahaadith by Mol. Yusuf Kandehlawi Rahimahullah
Furthermore, we advise that you encourage your brother to spend some time in the Path of Allah with the Tabligh Jamaat. Experience shows that those who spend adequate time (4 months or 40 days) in the Path of Allah take a U-Turn in their lives and connect with Allah Ta’ala. You may request the brothers who are involved in the effort of Tabligh to visit your brother and encourage him.
You state that you are on the verge of asking your brother to leave the house. We advise against such an approach. You should deal with the issue with softness and kindness.
Along with the advices stated above, continuously make lots of Duas for your brother as the hearts of mankind are completely in the control of One Allah Ta’ala.
We ask Allah Ta’ala to ease your situation. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
(Mufti) Abdul Azeem bin Abdur Rahman
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